“Don’t call him Elli, Don’t. Let him find you. Let him find you after. Elli, he can’t stop me and I don’t want him dead.”
“Oh Elli, your heart will call him faster than your voice.”
“No, Elli I have to move you on.”
Elli cried. He had pulled her up on his lap. Her sickness tore into her and she had to relax upon him in her fatigue. Similarities.
“Come on now, help me do it.”
“Elli your tired, your sick, you’re a burden. Your loved but you are a burden.”
“Elli, I came because others would have been harder. They would have broken you, parted you, it would have been terrifying, and painful more than I think you can imagine. Elli, help me do it. Help me. Tell me what we can do.”
“I hate you!”
“I know, and I will not take your hate from you, but I want it to be something you want. I can send you as peaceably as I know Elli. You don’t want that do you? You don’t want a blade in your heart do you, a brick against your head? How can I help this pass for you Elli, tell me?”
“Elli, if we wait he will come home, he and his. And I will have to kill them Elli, I wont be able to talk to him like I am you. I will have to kill him violently and quickly. His kids, I will need to chase them down no doubt, the older one might stay and fight, the older one is a brave young man, he might stay and help his father and then what Elli, which one do I kill first? I don’t want it. If you help me they will think you left in your sleep or fell from bed in a fit and froze. You see? I don’t want to hurry your decision but if you fight it, if you fight me, well, that would be terrible, it would be wrong, those boys have not lived, there father loves them, share your death with me, let me help you go.”
Elli was sobbing now and exhausted.
“I am not lying Elli, the day is moving on, you need to decide, please Elli, for them.”
She was holding his arm now.
“Pull the sheet up Elli. Pull it up to your face. Bundle it, let me help ok, ok there, I know you are scared but you have left so much in the Gift. More than you have taken elli, more than you have taken. That’s good now, that will work Elli. Just tell me when, then breath out, it will be better Elli. I have done this too many times and it will be so much better for you if you breath out first. Ok. It’s ok. That’s good, deep breaths, prepare yourself, let go, say goodbye. I am going to stop talking now, think of your family. Think of them happy, don’t be scared. Ok.”
He sat holding her on the bed. He looked out the window and into the barn where he had dragged their bodies into the shade before he went in to her. The horses were not scared and it surprised him. He couldn’t even saddle a horse. If he could have he would have taken the brown colored one. It was beautiful.
Her breathing had calmed. He waited for her, then she nodded her head.